When your heart was open wide and you love things just because

30 Sep

I am not generally one to post long quotes of other people’s content, nor am I one to post profanity since I know that some people find it alienating or off-putting.

But. This is ringing loud in my ears lately, and I thought that it might resonate for other ladies with chronic pelvic pain.

So many women with pelvic pain conditions are living in discomfort that is exhausting. I am lucky that my condition usually only causes me pain during intercourse, but I will be honest and say that my treatments (which I am totally grateful for and happy with) have caused me to experience a lot of ongoing pain during day-to-day activities, particularly in trying to sit through classes where my movement is restricted. I have some days where I am supposed to be sitting for close to eight hours in unpadded chairs with very little opportunity to stretch properly (as you can guess, the kinds of stretches that I would need in order to relieve the pain are not exactly ones you can do in public…!), so I have been getting a small taste of what some pelvic pain sufferers go through every day for many, many years.

This ongoing pain, along with the relationship strain and impact on self-image that comes with malfunctioning sexy bits, makes it just so, so likely that we will experience challenges in maintaining good mental health. So many of us are depressed or anxious or have panic attacks or just plain feel bad about ourselves. Some of us are lonely or have been abandoned because of our conditions.

This text speaks to the layers of this experience and to the pure, raw, angry and hopeful determination it takes to push back and push through the problems our bodies are facing again and again and again. So, enjoy. I’ll be singing this as I walk the hour home from physio tomorrow, feeling the ache of battered and unhappy muscles kicking in but refusing the take the bus because damn the pain. It’s a beautiful day and I’m walking home.

excerpt from “A Better Son/Daughter” by Rilo Kiley

And sometimes when you’re on,
You’re really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence

But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through
You’ll fake it if you have to
And you’ll show up for work with a smile
You’ll be better
And you’ll be smarter
And more grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you’ll be awake
You’ll be alert
You’ll be positive though it hurts
And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you’ll be a real good listener
You’ll be honest
You’ll be brave
You’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful
You’ll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
And your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
And you’ll fight it; you’ll go out fighting all of ’em.


One Response to “When your heart was open wide and you love things just because”

  1. Rg September 30, 2011 at 7:19 pm #

    Thank you so much for this. I am one of those that suffer every day. Keep on women!

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